Knowing I’m okay without the material things…

Remember last year when my spouse was underemployed/didn’t have steady employment and I was having anxiety attacks practically every other day? 
Well fast forward to this year and things are looking up. He has a full time job and is even  working overtime until Christmas!

 I am incredibly proud of the progress he has made especially because I know it was not easy. Giving up his dream career and working two part-time jobs this summer to secure a bright (albeit different) future for himself and by default us, has only added to the respect I have for him. 

Naturally the best thing that has happened is having leftover money to throw into savings (Note: Being able to save is really a luxury. If you grew up in amongst working class folk like myself, you are all to familiar with how often it ebbs more than flows).

 Yes, I said savings because we never know what the future holds. I graduate next May and I am already having weekly anxiety attacks about my prospects at employment. Add the fact that I’ll have to start paying off my student loans and we end up practically at square one. But…it’s okay. 

Why?

Well…I appreciate the magic of a skein of yarn and a crochet hook. I enjoy taking my dog for a walk around the neighborhood and breathing clean, fresh air. I look forward to cleaning the house so I can have an extra excuse to crank up my music and dance my heart out and I find the simplest joy in sharing a home-cooked meal at the table with my spouse, no phones, no tv, just us. 

And anyways, life is simple when you realize that the things you buy: won’t make you whole if you’re broken, won’t bring them back if you’re in mourning, and won’t erase the struggle if you’re fighting for your life one mental illness at a time. 

Although there are costs to this life, I choose to make peace with myself and journey towards the land of Hope (that is if she still has room for this Cynical Gal). 🤔

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2 thoughts on “Knowing I’m okay without the material things…

  1. I applaud you for being able to take such a stressful situation and see the light. And try not to worry so much about student loans. I also graduated with a LOT of student loan debt, and couldn’t find full time employment for over a year. It was tough but you make due and hustle. I think I was working 4 or 5 jobs at one point. Not sure if it’s something you’d be into, but I found liquor and beer promotion jobs were some of the easiest, and paid the most. The best part is they were here and there so I could pick which events I wanted to attend that fit my schedule. Waitressing was also my saving grace. Graduating is stressful, but I promise you it gets better. Within 5 years of graduating, I was able to find a career, buy a house, get married and have my son. 🙂

    Erin
    Top Knots & Sweatpants

    Liked by 1 person

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