Saturday Self-Care: Healing through honesty…

Honestly, my body problems didn’t start from recent weight gain. In past posts, I’ve conveniently blamed pregnancy and pregnancy loss for my issues but it is simply not the whole truth.

No, my body issues began when I heard my mom (and pretty much every other member) call my dad fat. I quickly learned that fatness was disgusting and shameful. I didn’t start stepping on scales or anything but I became hyper-aware of everyone’s sizes around me. I soon noticed that me, the baby of the family, was the “chubby” one and I feared that I would become my father. This fear propelled me into puberty with my dad’s warning that, “you’re gonna be as big as a house if you keep eating bread” (Funny, I lost weight in France eating plenty of bread. Guess you were wrong, Dad!). Add on the fact that I am naturally a curvy girl and I became obsessed with never becoming fat. But the truth is until recently, I haven’t had legitimate, “need to lose it” weight issues. All of my body issues have derived from my ultimate fear of losing control and failing which is all tied up in my self-worth (or lack thereof).

What’s funny is now I look  at pictures from a year ago and want to scream at her, “You are fine, what is wrong with you? You are good enough. You always were.” But she doesn’t hear me. She’s too busy giving me her famous  forced smile, intimidated by the camera that captures what she believes to be her worth–ugliness, sloppiness, laziness.  So instead, I resolve to have a chat in the mirror and tell her:

You are fine. There is nothing wrong with you that plenty of water, sleep, real food, sunshine, and movement can’t fix. Feel privileged to have a body that goes above and beyond to ‘get the job done’. Treat her well and appreciate her for you never know when she might grow tired of the daily torture you inflict upon her and simply give up. Do not destroy your body for a piece of mind that you will never get. It’s not worth it. Stop making commitments to other things and people and for once–choose you, unconditionally, with no apologies. Love, Self.

 

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5 thoughts on “Saturday Self-Care: Healing through honesty…

  1. I have recently gone through some health stuff and quite honestly, it forced me to change my whole outlook on eating and my body and how to fuel it properly.
    I’m a sturdy girl with German origins. I always are what i wanted and was just fortunate enough that my activity levels matched my input.
    Treat your body with love. Give yourself what you need in order to keep that body working. That’s it. Quit using scales or measuring your self worth by sizes. We are all different and thank god for that!
    Those people that are constantly sizing others up feel the need to find something wrong with us because it makes them feel better about themselves.
    The beauty of this “community” is that I have no clue what you look like on outside and get to see the beautiful you that you show me with your words instead.
    Happy Sunday!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aw thanks, Shannon! It’s amazing how much time, energy, and resources humans (especially women) devote to criticizing their bodies. You are so right, health crises and other life challenges have a way of forcing us to reconsider how we take care of our bodies. And hahaha, that is definitely one of the MANY benefits of the blogger community. Happy Sunday to you as well!

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! It really is. At every stage of women’s lives, we are told something is wrong with us. I mean after all, as we age, we should somehow manage to stay looking twenty-something. So I figure I might as well enjoy being an early twenty-something, just kidding. But seriously, preparing to leap off the “looks” (imposed by society, I still care about how I look for myself) hamster wheel is exhilarating.

      Liked by 1 person

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