To keep my peace, I am quiet

It happened again, the cyclical argument that we’ve had for a year.

It’s the “you don’t make enough money at your job, you need to really figure out

what career you want to build from here on out” kind of argument.

He takes great offense when I say that but  I’m just reacting out of fear.

Fear that that we will be destined for a life of misery because

his college degree didn’t land him his dream job.

What will his story be? Chronically underemployed?

A dreamer with no drive to do anything other than dream and plow

away at a job that doesn’t value his skills, hard work, and dedication.

Will he shed the remaining ounces of pride that he had left?

Finally experiencing a moment of clarity and realizing its time to make

real moves for the future.

 

And that’s when I remembered what I fear the most:

Will he be dependent on me for the rest of his life?

Wanting my support but never showing up for himself.

I don’t want to make it all about money but there is something to

be said for financial security.

 

Oh money! You are a heartbreaker. You suck the joy

and love out of otherwise happy homes.

You lead people to alleys and dumpsters for shelter.

You change hands without even a bit of loyalty.

You force the dark to derobe itself to the light.

You reveal the truth about our circumstances.

You remind us who our ‘real’ friends are and who are our enemies.

You induce fear in people like me,

who always knew ‘want’ but often lost touch with what it meant to’have’.

 

I don’t want a fancy car, a McMansion, or a house.

But I do need security. Hell, he knows that. I’ve told him so many times.

So tonight, I will remain silent, so I can keep the peace that I so desperately

desire in my life right now.

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