As I mentioned before, we lost our daughter three weeks ago. My worried family members in Ohio wanted to know if we would still visit for Thanksgiving. Instead we decided to travel. Why? No one knows what to say or how to act around us right now. To be fair, I don’t think we know either. Only my partner understands how a moment of laughter can turn into a moment of mourning and tears. Only I can understand how a moment of silence causes his hurt and pain to boil to the surface. As much as we both want to put on a sad yet fierce united front, we are incredibly vulnerable.
Neither one of us feels like playing strong to make other people comfortable. Neither one of us wants to take on other people’s problems when right now we have enough of our own.
I’m realizing this isn’t selfish. This is part of our healing process.
And so equipped with our little girl’s blanket, we crossed the border to Montréal where we will stay for five days. For me it helps to have a few days where I don’t have to see the hospital where I gave birth to Marième. I’m sure it helps my partner, too.
I told my family we were going on vacation but in reality it’s more like a ‘mourn’-cation. Either way, I’m trying to keep everything in perspective. At least I have my partner (who is also the best travel buddy a gal can have) and the rest of my family is in good health for the most part. I am hopeful that our stay will help a little.