Grieving during the holidays part 1

Another week is upon us and it has been rough. We have had our share of emotional moments. Yesterday, I was seriously just angry with everyone because it just felt like no one gets it. Don’t get me wrong–I don’t want anyone to experience this kind of emotional turmoil but I must say it’s hard to accept someone’s, “aww” kind of comments when you are in the midst of a breakdown.

One of my sisters who I have a somewhat chaotic relationship with contacted me through text message. Out of nowhere she mentioned the way that my mother delivered me while making a point about something completely unrelated. Needless to say, I was quite angry. Does she not realize that me, a woman who just gave birth to a child born sleeping does NOT want to hear about birth stories of another child? Even if that child was me. She can be so incredibly disconnected from reality and selfish that I don’t even understand why she bothered contacting me. Nowhere in the conversation did she address her grief. It was all about her which really sucked.

On a positive note, my cousin realized (thanks to my Auntie) that being emotionally distant during this time is not only rude but extremely hurtful. Especially since we are supposed to be close. I know that nothing changes overnight but I really appreciated her apology. People don’t realize how difficult yet necessary genuine apologies can be. My mother was not big on recognizing her faults but ironically she was the one that taught me the importance of saying, “I’m sorry.” No one is perfect and I need to be able to extend the same kind of compassion and forgiveness that I would like to receive.

Anyways, I have focused a lot of my energy this week on completing assignments for my graduate courses. Ah the end of a semester is cuh-razy! but completing some of it will be worth it because…we’re going to Montreal this coming week. At first we were going to stay in the house with the lights off like we have been doing but we both decided it’s time to try to break away.Due to our present circumstances it’s a bit difficult to imagine visiting family (who reside in a different state) during the holidays which should be a happy occasion. Unfortunately, it hasn’t been such a happy couple of months for us but that’s why we just need to be alone for a bit. We really need to experience different surroundings because goodness it’s been rough. But the struggle continues…

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